On the eve of Azra's first big trip

Azra is now 4 months and 3 weeks. She is around 7 1/2 kilos and about 63cm. She is growing out now! The first few months were growing up!One morning she discovered that she was able to such on Daddy's nose- how happy she was when she allowed her to- even if later on it made it purple from the bruising. She used his nose as a teether! She has discovered her feet and now when she is on her back she can't get enough of holding them. You try to put her nappy on and she is holding her feet, try to dress her she is holding her feet, put her on the bed, she is holding her feet! Maybe we would too if we could hold them as easy as babies can! Her other favourite thing is blowing air through her lips and creating little bubbles everywhere, especially all over her top. When she does this at 5am in the morning, which she does pretty much every morning, it is sort of so cute it that you don't get frustrated that she can't get back to sleep! We think she is beginning to go through teething as her mouth is like a saliva tap- it has been for the last 2 months- and for the last month she can't get enough of biting things!
It is 1 day and a bit before we fly to Australia. I am a little apprehensive as to what it will be like to spend 24 hours alone with Azra, most of it on the small space of a plane! If I weren't so worried about swine flu then others who are interested could take her and play with her if they so wanted, but now to do such a thing is probably too risky. I have been trying to get her to go to sleep earlier so that she could maybe adjust a little easier. It was working a little but tonight it is 11pm and we are still trying to get her to sleep! I think it will be quite a challenge on the plane! My apprehension is about this trip, but her dad's is about the month ahead. Actually he says it will be like a holiday! Let's see!

Azra's first holiday!

Azra is now 3 months and 3 weeks old. These photos were taken on the last day of Istanbul's Indian summer on Azra's first ferry boat ride. Now she is quite an experienced little baby. In almost 4 months she has been on a bus, a dolmus, a car, a ferry boat and now a plane. And she has cried on all but the dolmus (Dolmus in Turkish translates as 'stuffed' which is sometimes a very accurate description of these mini buses!). We took her on her first holiday last week. We went to Antalya. We were a little scared how it would be in terms of her crying etc. She did cry, inevitably, on the plane, in the restaurant at breakfast, in the restaurant at dinner, in the streets but at least at was easy to get her to sleep!!! No problems there. Maybe it was because of the heat. We left behind cold Istanbul and sweated in Antalya!
We had our first sea experience for the year, but Azra had the first one of her life. She was quite okay at the beginning. I guess she was expecting it to be like her bath. When she found that it wasn't quite as warm as that she started crying! I think she had a great time on holidays. In the hotel there was a continuous water fall and she loves this sound (don't we all!). And everyone, well many people, are entranced by babies and they were playing with her, cooing to her, admiring her. There may have been people doing quite the opposite especially when she was crying- or sometimes screaming- but she is a baby after all. I am sure we all did the same!
Nowadays she is chatting a lot and is discovering the limits of her voicebox and having a great time doing it! For example this morning she woke up at 5.30am to feed but then after her belly was full decided it was time to have a sing-song! Just what we love at 6am! It seems like she is just so enamoured with her new ly found talents that she just can't wait to practise them! She is also getting more and more active. 2 days ago she was laying on her tummy in her activity gym and then somehow managed to flip herself on to her back! When she did so she just cried! I guess she was completely startled by what she had done! I hadn't expected her to be doing things like this so early, it's a little bit scary! Hopefully it was just a freak occurrence! She is as adorable as ever as she chats or flaps away. She is getting easier to get to sleep at night, but maybe I shouldn't say anything, as inevitably it will change! She is having the same spitting up issues. I am not worrying about it anymore, reflux or whatever, she is obviously gaining plenty of weight and is healthy, so....
She now has her Australian passport so she is ready to become a jetsetter....only one more month to go and she will be!

Azra is 3 months old!

Azra is 3 months old. Where has that time gone? Have I done my best to enjoy her babyhood before it passes? This is what I ask myself. Everybody says that I will miss this period so I am trying to take advantage of it. We go to the park, take walks along the seaside, go shopping, friends come over to see her. We spend time with Ali (5 weeks older than Azra) and his mum. We play at home with toys. Now she is starting to pick things up and look at them and hold them. Here you can see her with her monkey. Actuallly she used to be scared of him as he was pretty much the same size, in the past month I have put some of her animals at the top of the chair so the when she lays down she can see and speak to them. She has very animated conversations consisting of 'oooh' and 'agoo' with both me and the animals!
When we go to the park I take her on the swing. She loves it! Because she loves this movement so much we decided to buy a rocking chair to help us in our struggle to get her to sleep. What used to be not such a problem has become quite difficult. It is very rare that we can get her to sleep before 10.30. Actually we start the process at 8.30-9pm with a bath and then I feed her. She goes to sleep I try to put her to bed but she wakes up immediately, so then the process starts again. Sometimes the process can go up to 2 hours. Fortunately not more than that though. The rocking chair has helped us a bit at least. We even play music for her now to help her. Some nights nothing helps though. And to make it worse the hours that she sleeps have become less. She used to sleep at least 5 hours but often 6 or 7 without waking up. Now we are lucky if she sleeps 5 hours. She often wakes up 2 hours after we have put her to sleep as well! I thought I had found a way to keep her asleep. We started putting a hot water bottle in her bed so that as we took her out of our warm arms she wouldn't notice so much as her bed would also be warm. Then I found that if I held her arms close to her chest and put my other hand on her stomach, shushed her to sleep and rocked her cradle that when she woke she would go immediately back to sleep when I would do this. When I found this I thought that I had the secrets cracked. However, it works for a while and then you try to do it a few nights later and it doesn't work. Everything changes as does her sleeping habits. The difficult thing is when you have been in control of your life, and then a baby comes along and you have no control whatsoever. If she is is pain, or is tired but can't sleep, hungry but refuses to feed, cries and won't stop whatever you do, there is nothing that you can do. This is difficult, especially for a person who like to be in control! That's when you focus on her smiles and the great things you see in front of you. I guess one has to learn to deal with not being in control!
She has started consciously touching things as she shows with the activity gym. That started about 2 weeks ago. She holds a toy up to look at it and examine it. She has also started smiling at herself in the mirror. She used to cry now however usually she smiles broadly. When we do baby yoga sometimes she even giggles. This is a rare occurrence though.
We took her for her 3 month check up last weekend. She was 5.75kg and 62 cm. So now she must be 6 kg. She is becoming noticeably heavier and chubbier. In fact for her passport photo she has a double chin! To think that she has to live with that photo for at least 5 years! I am even able sometimes to understand the meaning of her cries. It has taken me a while! I remember reading that around 3 weeks a mother can tell the meaning of her baby's cry....
I thought that we had found the reason for her acid reflux. For 10 days I ate no tomatoes, kiwi fruit, and such acidic foods and no chocolate. One weekend I ate tomatoes and chocolate and Azra was much worse after a week of being much better. I stopped eating them and after a few days she was measurably better, spitting up and crying much less. Now however, the spitting up has increased and returned to what it used to be but she is not crying like she used to. So have I found the reason???

Azra is 2 1/2 months old!

Azra is now 2 1/2 months old. She is growing like a weed! The last time we went to the doctor- 11 days ago she had put on 1 kg, so she is now 5 and probably a half kilos by now and 58cm long. She has also had many vaccinations! Here in Turkey a tuberculosis vaccination is required. My friends who have a tuberculosis vaccination look like someone bit their arm and that scar remains. Azra's hopefully will not look like that! But she is now Turkish with such a scar- not Australian! She is developing in many ways as well as getting bigger and chubbier. She smiles a lot now, although 1 second after or before that smile may be crying! Her emotional states can change very rapidly! She is discovering her body and other objects and she can stare at them for ages. She loves looking around. Today at the supermarket she was looking in wonder at the shelves. I guess to her they just look like an amazing array of bright colours and shapes. The doctor suspects that she might have acid reflux as she spits up a lot and drools- cries in pain etc etc. So in the last week I have been reading a lot about this. They say that eventually a baby understands that the milk is the source of the pain and may refuse to breastfeed. This happened for the first time today even though she spat up only once. Let's see what happens when she wakes up. I hope it doesn't continue. I am looking into my diet once again to see if it it the source of her problems. For 4 days I have not eaten any tomatoes, peppers, smoked turkey, citrus or acidic fruits and no chocolate. Other suspects (if it is from my diet) are milk (one that I am dreading to have to cut out of my diet- no cheese, no yoghurt etc etc....I am going to have to make milk out of rice and water!!! she seems to be sensitive to soy) and wheat are the most likely. I am trying the above for one week and see if there is a difference. We were also giving her special baby herbal tea for gas which I have stopped as it contains mint as part of the mixture which can apparently cause reflux. Apparently around 65% of babies suffer from reflux. It could be just a matter of waiting it out, there may not be a cause just a matter of an immature digestive system. Let's see. Having reflux would certainly explain why she cries, or screams as it is some of the time. We tilted her bassinet mattress and 30 minutes after her feeds I put her somewhere with a tilt and leave her alone with out any stimulation from me so as to keep her food down. If the problem is caused by what I eat then I certainly can understand why many women give up breastfeeding. It is not easy. It can be incredibly frustrating! But so wonderful at the same time. Just today (the same day we had breast refusal) Azra was looking up at me with a huge smile on her face (many times) while she was feeding!!! What a paradox! She is also strarting to chat with me. She can say things like 'agoo' and 'go' and she has even giggled with a little sound a couple of times over the last week. Sometimes when she smiles it is like she is about to give a great big belly laugh, she opens her mouth so wide and crinkles up her eyes in great joy. I can't wait until she starts to laugh.

Azra is 54 days old

At the moment Azra is in her expressive period. She is now smiling a lot. This morning for example I leant over her bassinet to get her out and she just smiled at me. This smiling lasted for what seemed like at least a few minutes. They even pass into giggles at time! Her smiles are so beautiful! For me this is what makes being a mother so special. I don't do anything special to make her smile, she just smiles, sometimes it is in response to my smile sometimes just spontaneous. It's such a lovely thing! I can't imagine life without her. Although I am glad I waited this long for her, I don't know how I would have survived if many years ago she had come into my life- now was the right time.
She is 'talking' a lot now. Lots of ohs and all sorts of language that she knows but we don't have access to! I guess she is just imitating what she hears? I love it when I leave her somewhere, on her chair for example and while looking at some inanimate object she chatters away. Sometimes she is even smiling then! The other day I left her laying on the chair and the sunlight was dancing across the top of the chair. As she was watching the movements of the sun on the chair she was chattering and cooing away or the other day I left her with her stuffed monkey and it was as if she was chattering away to the monkey- Husnu says I am overusing my imagination! A few weeks ago I was thinking that it wasn't great being a baby in that they can't express what they want, they suffer pain and can't express what the problem is. Now however I think it is lovely to be a baby as I see Azra revelling in the most simple things and getting pleasure out of it. We have forgotten such simple pleasures! Even her many many stretches as she wakes up after a sleep are refreshing!
When she gets the chance and a little support she loves standing up. I think I remember hearing that this is a reflex and that it will disappear for a while. Well she certainly seems to enjoy it. I think she will be much happier when she can do things for herself an attains a bit of independence. That will be a little while yet. She is also much better during the evenings, we can sometimes even have dinner without having to get up and soothe her by walking around or rocking her. While it is still summer we are putting her to bed about 9pm, so that means she is still up while we eat. She is usually asleep by 9.30 /10 and then wakes up around 4-5 and then again at 7-8 and then again at 9-10. She sleeps again in the afternoon for 2-3 hours as well if I'm lucky, if not then I take her for a walk in the carrier and then she sleeps. I made her a little sunhat. At least people say less things about taking a baby out in the sun now. I never took her out in the middle of the day and also never exposed her to the sun for more than a few minutes while walking but still people would say something about it (apparently people will always have something to say here about babies and kids no matter what you do) and think that it is actually a good thing especially in terms of vitamin D intake. Well life is a little easier now that I put her hat on (in terms of people's comments)! But anyway she is so cute in it. Now I guess it is better and she only gets a little sun on her face and elsewhere.
Breastfeeding is much easier now. She feeds usually around every 2 hours rather than what was like every hour, and she can finish within 10 minutes. Here in Turkey the WHOs suggestions of exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months and then supplemental food for upto 2 is taken very seriously. Where there is a choice in terms of birth (although weighed heavily towards cesarean) it seems to be taken for granted that you will breastfeed. Doctors make the assumption, friends etc. In fact I know of no Turkish woman who didn't breastfeed. It is quite different than in the west! I remember reading of two girls in Australia and there reaction to seeing a woman breastfeeding in public. Apparently they said 'That's gross. Can't she afford bottles?' This is surely perverted values. Here we have the same problem towards natural birth- it as almost assumed that one will have a cesarean! Azra's doctor was proudly telling us how his hospital is so oriented towards natural birth. He got us to guess that numbers as he proudly told us that the number of births in July was 60. I thought it must have been pretty good for him to be so proudly telling us. Out of 60 births 25 were normal births....and apparently that is something to be proud of. I think it is shameful! Back to breastfeeding though- I must admit though that breastfeeding was difficult at first (and still is at times as Azra cries inexplicably as I try to feed her!) and took some getting used to and a lot of reading about and consultation. I can understand why some might give up, but it is such a beautiful thing and such a wonderful way to bond. On a more selfish note, only you can bond that way with the child! It is also a nice way to make you slow down and just be with the baby.

Azra's 43 days old!

Well we are past the postnatal and newborn period and the magic Turkish 40 days. Maybe this is so in many cultures but for the first 40 days in Turkey the baby shouldn't be taken outside and shouldn't have visitors outside of the family - as I understand. My friends were joking that the mother should be in bed in this period and fed 'lohusalik sherbet'- lohusa means postnatal. Unfortunately, I don't even know what this sherbet is made from, let own spending this time in bed! They say that this 40 days is the most difficult. I guess it is the getting used to the baby, the stress this may cause in your relationship, getting used to being tied to the house (in the case of the woman unfortunately- no such thing for the man- although I am not really complaining I haven't left Azra for more than 20 minutes when I have had to do something and as yet I can't imagine leaving her). Let's see if this is still the case in a month. I have come to think that no matter how much men think they want a child that it is really only the woman who really understands what it entails and who is prepared to deal with those things. Maybe I am wrong but it certainly seems to be like this. For a woman who is breastfeeding it is much more difficult, especially in terms of freedom. Perhaps however it is hormones that helps women deal with this - perhaps??? But anyway the first 40 days are over and if that is the most difficult part then we should be able to cope with what is coming. What was difficult? The constant breastfeeding- sometimes I would feed her only to have to feed her another 20 minutes later. Or the crying, the gas problems, being able to go to the toilet or have a shower in amongst all of these things, getting used to be 3 people rather than 2 people and a cat! Not understanding what the problem was but knowing there was a problem. Now we are slowly getting used to our new life and wouldn't change it for the world!
Here we have Husnu and Azra. It looks like there is some resemblance afterall, even if not physically! If only we could get Azra to sleep so easily all the time life would be much easier!
In the last week we have seen a bit of development in Azra. Everyday pretty much she gets bigger and in the last week we have seen her limbs fill out and become baby plump! She is about 4.4kg now. Her sight has developed quite a bit, you can see now that she is actually looking at things rather than just looking into space. When I take a photo now she looks at the camera even without me saying anything! Yesterday she saw me putting the carrier on and she even stopped crying and started brightening . She is regularly smiling at me now, even when doing mundane things as changing her nappy. She smiled at her dad for the first time yesterday as well- made his day! She can sit up better now as well. She seems to hear as she turns her head towards sounds. She is getting over her gas problem, not to say that it doesn't cause her problems on occasions but she lays in bed (or wherever) merrily passing wind and there is usually no crying to be heard- maybe I shouldn't say this, maybe tonight she may have gas pains!!! She seems to have gotten over the green poo problem. I guess it is just a matter of the development of the digestion system. She also seems to not be as unhappy at night. We had a regular crying hour from 8-9 sometimes earlier sometimes later and that doesn't seem to be as regular or at least as intense anymore or maybe we are getting used to it and getting better at handling it! We would regularly be practising our singing skills, strengthening our forearms carrying her on her stomach as she likes, dancing with her. Again though, maybe I shouldn't say anything as we never know what will happen tonight! I like this photo. It is like she is thinking, she was twirling her fingers at the time and touching her chin with one of her fingers.
And the last one is the first time she wore a dress. This probably won't happen much (at least when I am dressing her) so I thought I should record it! We bought reusable nappies a week ago. My environmental conscious got to me and I bought a trial pack. Today I got around to finally trying them. As soon as I put the nappy on, Azra started crying. I guess she didn't like it, and it was huge! There were 4 layers, 2 of towelling, one of cotton and one of leakproof outer pants. It would be rather difficult to dress her in some outfits with such big pants! Anyway they only lasted for about an hour! I guess I am too used to disposable nappies like Azra. You would have to change her after every toilet going pretty much otherwise she would end up a mess! They don't absorb like disposable nappies. I will have to satisfy my environmental conscious with everything else I do- recycling, buying locally, using cloth and water to clean her bottom rather than wetwipes etc. I can't imagine what made me think I could use reusable nappies. Lucky Azra didn't like them! I try to imagine being wrapped with a similar product- uggghh!

Azra's fifth week

This is Azra's fifth week. Her first month has passed. Soon according to Turkish people she will have passed the important 40 day period. According to many Turkish people during this time a baby shouldn't be taken outside. I guess if you look at it from a medical point of view this is about the immune system. So this last week has still been the period of green poo and gas production. They say that the gas problem will go by 6-8 weeks or maybe 4 months- I guess that is a short time in terms of a life but it seems like ages at this moment when you are dealing with a crying, writhing baby! We bought some natural medicine- a gripe water- last week that seems to work but it does have essential oils in it and I am not sure how good that is for a 5 week old baby so what we have started now is a traditional Turkish remedy of nutmeg in milk and giving that to her. You grate about a quarter of a teaspoon of nutmeg (people just say biraz- meaning some!) into a little milk and then let it stand for 20 minutes. I have been expressing some milk and then mix that with the nutmeg, filtering it and then use it within 24 hours. Apparently research has shown that breastmilk can be safely stored in the fridge for up to 8 days without any problems. into I started this 24 hours ago. She hasn't had any major gas problems yesterday or today but maybe that is just luck! And she is even swallowing the mixture without spitting too much out! We have discovered that her favourite position is on her front, not only when sleeping during the day but also when being carried. She swings her head around looking to her right and to her left (well I don't know if she is really looking at something or not) but she is certainly working to strengthen her neck muscles! Apparently gassy babies love being on their front because of the pressure. Anything to make her more comfortable! We also massage her tummy and do yoga movements to dispel the gas. They work but not 100% and not all the time.
This week has also been the week of the gummy smiles. She must be recognising either me or can understand the expressions on my face and is mimicking them. That seems to me to be pretty amazing for a 33 day old baby. Once it was before breastfeeding but the other times it was just in response when I was talking to her and smiling at her. She is also recognising her name. Sometimes I say Azra when she is feeding and she comes out of her slumber and continues sucking. As for Husnu though he calls her 'beautiful girl' (guzel kizim) or just 'my daughter' (kizim), that probably won't help her recognise her name!
Over the past 4 weeks I have seen that Azra moves in and out of states very quickly, sleep wakefulness, active alert, fussy etc. Dr Terry Brazelton the famous American pediatrician says that that shows that she will be an intense and active person. Well I would say that has also been fairly well proven by Azra herself in her first month of life!
We had her 1 month check up as well thus week. She has gained more weight than average- 1kg. She is now 4.1kg and 56cm long, I guess I can't say tall seeing she isn't yet upright!
My mum crocheted some great shoes for Azra and sent them from Australia. You can see them on her feet in the photo. Actually she made 17 pairs which I thought was a little exaggerated until I put them on Azra and she had them off in a couple of minutes, I guess 17 pairs is just in case.... maybe I'll add a photo of some of the shoes here... By the way I just discovered that nutmeg has possible cumulative effects which might be toxic and that it is also an hallucinogenic. Maybe not good for continuous use for a small baby..... I will have to go back to the gripe water or to herbal tea!

Azra's fourth week

Azra is 27 days old today, which means that tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since she was born. It is hard to understand where that time has gone. And even though life is definitely harder then it was before Azra came along, I can't imagine life without her now! Life without this cute face, how was it possible???
This week has been week of the poo! For 4 days now she has had green poo and explosive at that! As one of my friends said maybe I shouldn't be feeding her spinach soup!!! With all the other symptoms and signs she displays and with the help of a breastfeeding consultant it appears that she is getting too much milk, especially the foremilk which is high in lactose, which she can't digest without the fatty hindmilk. According to researchers, the foremilk comes first and is probably so to quench thirst first and then comes the hindmilk, the rich calorie-laden milk. But when the latter is not taken in correct amounts/balance (when their is too much milk or when feeds are too short) then the lactose can not be digested by babies which causes a lot of pain for the baby, gassiness, tummy aches etc. Which is the reason as to why she cries in pain- poor thing! And she is so gassy! How terrible it is to be a baby- you can't communicate what you are feeling or experiencing to those looking after you. At least we adults can do this (of course whether or not we choose to do so is in our own hands, but at least we have the capability!) So what we are experimenting with the guidance of the counsellor is offering one breast for 3-4 hours to make sure it is completely drained. This type of feeding is called block-feeding which I will do until things return to normal. This started 1-1.5 days ago. I am seeing less of the signs of discomfort at the breast and immediately after feeding at least and we may have to wait a couple of more days for the other signs to disappear. I think she may be even less gassy. Let's hope this is what it is! I have rad quite a lot of research on this- they call it 'hyperlactation' producing too much milk because of too much demand and having a too forceful let-down reflex. What is interesting though, because I couldn't exactly understand it was why babies who suffer from this mostly have too much weight gain. It sort of seems illogical to me. Azra is gaining way too well. The nurse came around and weighed Azra the other day (23 days old) and the scales said 4 kg! She was 3.19 at birth- and then she went down to 3.05 grams so that means at least 950 grams in 20 days, so almost 50grams per day!! What I have also learnt, through the amount of accidents we have had with poo this week, is the particular sounds she makes when she is trying to poo as well as facial expressions. And also how long to wait after Azra does a poo until changing her nappy- because her poos are explosive it is quite dangerous to be changing her nappy when she hasn't quite finished- it can take up to 10 minutes for her to get everything out. Plus I have just started doing baby massage and baby yoga with her, so I do certain movements which help bowel movements seeing she has such problems with gas. I have learnt that it is a mistake to do those movements just before changing nappies! At least 10 minutes before seems to be safer!
Here we have a picture of Azra in her baby carrier. She loves being in this. It is guaranteed (at least everytime I have used it to this end) to stop her crying- quite useful now when trying to regulate her milk intake! If she is crying then she usually continues for a couple of minutes but it lessens as I walk around a bit and then it completely stops as we go outside. Then in 5 or so minutes she is completely asleep! It is said this is because of how it reminds them of being in the womb. It is interesting the comments I get from people on the street. Carriers at all are not seen much in Istanbul (except for the Roma women perhaps), especially not like this one which I picked up in Australia. Some people think it is great, others ask if the baby can breathe inside, or they say what a pity it is as the baby can't move. But there has been a lot of research done which prove what great things baby carriers are for babies. It's mostly about movement- especially for gassy babies and close contact. Although it is pretty hot now in July/August in Istanbul with this particular carrier!
Last night Husnu's cousin had her wedding so for the first time I had to look after Azra for the whole day and night by myself. It was not too bad. I had to take her out for a walk in her carrier though early evening to try to get her to stop crying though. And it was very hard to cook a very simple stir fry. Although the bath, which we have always done together, was easy enough. I take my hat off to women (and men) who look after their babies themselves, especially single mothers and fathers. And below is today's picture of Azra!

Azra's third week

Azra is now 18 days old. She is slowly filling out. We weighed her a couple of days ago and although she wouldn't stay still long enough to get an accurate reading she seems to be around 3.6 kg. The last couple of days have been easier. Before that she was crying quite a bit but now that I think about it I think it might be related to my bean consumption and that she just suffers from gas problems. Maybe I should wait for her digestive system to mature a little bit before indulging in my love of beans! Of course it could be just being a baby and be not at all related to this. She still does have times when she gets a bit cranky and these are usually around 1-3 pm if she has not had a sleep since the morning. Unfortunately a lot of the time she will only go to sleep when she is breasfeeding and laying next to me. If I get up and put her elsewhere to sleep she usually wakes up 10-20 minutes later. Let's hope this is just related to her being a newborn and just out of the womb! However she will sleep in her bassinet at night, providing she has fallen asleep after breastfeeding. The other time is at night. We are still trying to keep her up from 7-10pm. Probably later when we get ourselves organised we will try to make these hours earlier. Around 9 she starts crying a bit. We then give her a bath and that calms her down. She loves the bath but she doesn't like getting dressed afterwards! Is it because of being taken out of the water? Then I feed her, put her to bed, she usually wakes up 20 minutes later. I feed her once more, sometimes twice and then she is usually in bed by 11pm sometimes as late as 12pm, depending on how much she cries. Last night she was truly asleep by 11 and then she woke up at 5.30am. People are saying that I should wake her up every 4 hours to feed her but I figure if she were hungry she would wake me up. Plus I tried this when we were in hospital and she would not feed, so twice I put her back to bed without feeding. I don't try this anymore! Plus it is not as if she is not getting enough milk during the day. The only disadvantage may be one for me where I am literally exploding with milk when she finally does wake up.
Talking about her crying she has a very loud impassioned cry. I think when she is older she will be a very passionate person and she will let people know what she wants and what she doesn't want. Maybe I am reading to much into the behaviour I am seeing now but it certainly seems like this. I sometimes wonder what the neighbours are thinking sometimes, when she is literally howling and we can't console her!!! I don't know why I should care though! We had some visitors the other day and when she started crying I tied to stop her and the really nice thing was that they said let her cry. That was refreshing. I think that babies just need to cry sometimes, I think they are trying to express something, missing the womb or something (we can't understand). She is also smiling a bit more nowadays. Yesterday she smiled just as I lay her down on her cushion getting ready to breastfeed her. The smile wasn't directed at me this time but it still made me happy! I see her every now and then smiling, sometimes she is sleeping! Nice dreams???? Physically, apart from filling out a bit, getting chubbier cheeks and liking to lift her head up and swing it around (especially when she is on your shoulder), there is not much of a change. When people come over if they make an observation that she looks like me, Husnu says very confidently ' yes, but she will change to look more like someone from the Black sea'- let's see! Below is her photo at 18 days. Maybe in the next entries I will make more of an effort to take photos with us in them as well. By the way the cat,who was a little scared of Azra when we first brought her home from the hospital, has become used to her and now even comes into the bedroom when we are in there with her and now even jumps onto our bed when she is there. A big advance! I guess he got sick of not getting an affection!

Azra's second week

Azra is 12 days old today. Yesterday we got her footprints in paint. Not so easy as she is an extremely active baby. She was active inside the womb and maybe even more active outside. She hardly stays still for a moment. Trying to photograph her without a flash always leads to blurry photos! Even her footprints were a little blurry as she always managed to move her feet! She has the loveliest feet, especially the way she puts them when she is feeding.
We have had a few learning points in the last 5 days. Now I am breastfeeding her whenever she seems hungry. Breastfeeding is a mixed bag I think. It is an amazing feeling to know that you are able to feed your little baby with only your body and some additional water, amazing that your body is able to know how much milk to create through how much the baby drinks. The body is amazing ( as I have always thought) right from the creating of this amazing baby through to the milk, need I go on? Sometimes rather than feeding her straight away, when she starts exhibiting signs that she will cry, I start entertaining her (It doesn't last very long but distracts her for a little while when I think she is drinking too much). I have learnt that she likes the sound of Nil Karaibrahimgul! That's good as I have 3 of her cds. Azra can stay relatively still when I play her cds, providing she is not dying from hunger! But usually I just feed her when she wants it. Most people seem to agree that this is how it should be until the baby is about 40 days old, which is when they say regulating their intake to every 3 hours or so could be implemented. Usually she is happier this way although yesterday she was a little fussy, crying a lot during the day. Her system until yesterday seemed to be to wake for the second time from 7-8 and then feed and then go back to sleep, but yesterday no matter how much I fed her she wouldn't go back to sleep until about 10am. Today the same thing happened so I just changed her position and put her on my chest and she slept that way. Little things I am learning about her! Today we had a little accident in our bed. I put her to sleep in our bed after her 3rd feeding at 11am. She is only around 3.5kg now so she is wearing the diapers 3-6 kg. However sometimes the poo might come out the top of them out the back. This has happened a couple of times at night. Today when she did a wee (or a few) it also came out the top at the back and of course onto our sheets and mattress protector. Being wet this upset her making her cry. I wanted to change the bed and wash the sheets at this early hour which was a little difficult while holding a now screaming baby, trying to change her out of her 1 hour ago clean clothes. I was thinking we were going to have a repeat of yesterday. I was exhausted yesterday after looking after her for a whole day by myself. Lucky when Husnu came home he immediately started taking interest in Azra. Of course he can only do so much and he can't do anything in the feeding department seeing we have decided only to breastfeed.

Anyway today after the crying, changing and washing, I fed her. After feeding her she looked at me in the eyes and unbelievably for the first time she smiled up at me while looking in my eyes. What an amazing feeling this was. I cried! Now I understand what for ages other mothers have been telling me about motherhood. Some friends have even gone so far to say that having a child is the only worthwhile thing you can do with a man!!! (usually divorced friends!) I will never forget this look for the rest of my life. It was such a beautiful moment. I think probably these feelings are unable to be understood until you actually live them, or at least that has certainly been how it is and has been for me.

I am starting to see little bits of her personality. She gets very impatient very quickly. For example when she is breastfeeding and there is not enough milk coming or maybe she has emptied the breast she starts crying extremely loudly and her little legs and arms start pumping like a windmill. Sometimes she sits passively at the breast not even sucking hardly and then starts crying when there is no milk. This impatience could be either from me, from her rising sign being a leo or maybe all babies are like this???

Azra's first week

Azra is now 6 days old. She was born on the 5th July at 7.35am in the morning after a 24 hour labour (the active part only was 24 hours!). In order to give her the best possible start to life I wanted to have a gentle birth completely drug-free. Fortunately nature was on my side and I was able to do this. I did have to have some oxygen at the end as Azra's heart rate was less than ideal at that stage. I can't say that the birth was easy or pain-free. Although I am a trained hypnobirthing educator, honestly I was only able to use it until the last 7 hours of the labour whereupon I sort of lost it as the surges (contractions) were coming 2 minutes apart and that took me unawares. Actually the first few hours of Sunday morning the labour sped up incredibly. The labour was going really slow Friday night and Saturday, but after a 40 minutes walk outside at 11pm Saturday night it sped up amazingly. Pretty much all Saturday the contractions stayed 5-10 minutes apart with no improvement on the 1cm opening, although effacement was complete. Then just in a few hours opening was complete.
The actual birth itself conformed to gentle birthing principles, thanks to my doctor (Gulnihal Bulbul at Sema hastanesi here in Istanbul) and my midwife (Asude ebe, also here in Istanbul). There were few people present, the doctor just every now and then towards the end, the midwife, my husband, my friend who I trained to be my hypnobirthing companion, a nurse and a cleaner. The lights were turned down as Azra made her entrance into the world and she was given to me immediately to hold. That was amazing. We just looked at each other. For nine months I had been wondering what she was going to look like and here at the end I was able to see her. She was beautiful. I wanted to cry but all I could do was let out a strange cry like sound. My husband (who never cries) cried though as he witnessed her birth. At the top is a picture taken of her in the hospital on her first day of life. The hospital likes the tradition of dressing girls in pink!
We stayed in hospital for one night as the hospital likes to monitor babies for 24 hours. We left Monday morning.
She seemed quite calm, but of course mainly she was just breastfeeding and sleeping. When we got her home she was much the same for the first couple of days. Then we had a few problems as we couldn't quite get the feeding quite right. Was I supposed to feed her whenever she cried or less then that? She would feed for 10 minutes and then sleep for 10 minutes and then cry and seem to be want to feed again. That seemed too much. Then she was vomiting quite a lot. One person told me that I was feeding her too much. So I started feeding her less. That just led to more crying and problems for us. The we figured that maybe for Azra she wasn't feeding very well and she needed to feed more. The vomiting decreased and what I tried to do was let her feed till she finished (generally 10 minutes in the day) burp her and then try again. The made her happy, but sometimes she needs an extra feeding and then she might sleep for an hour or 2 if we are lucky.

What we also are trying to do is to keep her up in the evening so that she sleeps at night as she sleeps really well this way. We entertain her (!!!) to keep her awake and not crying, feed her and then bathe her at 10. Feed her one last time and then she is asleep at around 11pm. At the moment this keeps her asleep until about 4 am where I feed her again and then she falls asleep until around 7.30am, I feed her again and she falls asleep in our bed and then she will wake up again around 10ish. This to me is worth trying to keep her awake after 7pm!

In her first week this is all the has been really happening. She lost a little weight. She was born at 3.19kg and 50.5 cm. On Wednesday when she was weighed at the hospital she was 3.065kg. She has great facial expressions. She loves the sound of our voices, especially mine. I spoke to her a lot during the pregnancy. She seems to really hear my voice. I even sang to her to entertain her in that 7-10pm slot. She loved it! We are just getting used to each other now. Husnu has been home for this whole week which has been good. Next week though I am all by myself! Let's see how I cope!
Here is today's picture.

I just looked at her rising sign, her sign being a cancer is nicely balanced by the rising sign being a Leo!